So, Welcome to the new Hotjam blog:

Firstly, a thank you to all of my previous readers and contributors. As you will be aware SploshBlog was closed down on 2nd June, after complaints from another site. The pictures that Millie contributed (unsolicited) were deemed to be in bad taste, and on the borderline of US decency law. Furthermore, the story posted by Hud from Missouri attracted 271 complaints. (The one about the cat with the peanut butter on its rear end, resulting in a prison sentence for the perpetrator; no news on the cat!).

Please feel free to contribute or post, but please be aware that I do not condone any sexual practice involving animals, and any posts of that nature will be deleted BY ME!!!!

Also, a message to Hooch and Alan in Oz, I am not homophobic, and gay people are welcome to read and contribute if they wish. The reason that their note was deleted was, once again, due to animal references.

That said, I have only recently returned from a series of long trips and, sadly, they were largely uneventful, as I had to do some work. Yes I know that I am a layabout, but I have to finance my drinking, smoking, sexual habits and I have to eat too. So, a catch up from last year, earlier this year, and some reminiscences of the past.

Congratulations to Splosh.co.uk upon reaching their 20th anniversary. Full marks to Bill Shipton and his team of messy girls, and to Gillys Silly House who amalgamated with Splosh some time ago. I haven't had an opportunity to visit their new premises on the South Coast, but have pencilled that in for a later date.

Also a mention for Messy Mandy from Illinois, who has apparently disappeared from the web. In her last message Mandy told us that she was intending to travel to Chicago, and keep us up to date with the scene in the Windy City. Please let us know that you are all right. Chicago can be a rough place.

A reply to Chou Chou from Hong Kong; it is true that Western style foodstuffs are very expensive in Hong Kong, particularly chocolate, ice cream and cakes, however, I am told that local produce can be obtained very cheaply from local markets , including a whole range of sauces. Also, a very good sticky syrup can be obtained from bamboo shoots. Apparently Pandas love it! Also, I am aware that there are several ladies in the Wangchai district (and in Mongkok) who who would appreciate your attentions.

Once, when travelling in the Orient I found myself short of funds, and my female companions (above) were desperate to try the Big Splosh event. I found three pineapples, a tin of coconut milk and a jar of fish sauce (total cost less than two dollars). Complete with a bottle of Bacardi, we returned to my modest lodgings and I then demonstrated the basic principles by crushing the pineapples with a walking stick and then applying the juice and mashed fruit to their delectable bodies. I then rubbed fish sauce into their boobs and finished the dish with coconut milk.

(Some flower petals can make a nice garnish).

As their command of English was minimal, it was difficult to explain what can be achieved with custard and chocolate sauce, or porridge and strawberry jam. So, it is possible to arrange an event without a huge cash outlay.

As the sun rose over the South China sea, I heard them purring contentedly (and that is not another cat reference!), the morning haze highlighting their skin streaked with fruity, fishy slime. I had to wake them gently , wash them thoroughly and then ask them to leave quietly before the housekeeper arrived. I left to seek new accommodation shortly afterwards. This is not uncommon and its one of the drawbacks to this lifestyle, you have to keep moving.

A friend in the West Indies suggested that I travel with a large plastic sheet, some sponges etc. to reduce the mess to hotel rooms but, as I told him, the baggage allowances are greatly reduced these days and, more to the point, you lose some of the magic writhing in cold plastic. Give me linen sheets every time.

Whilst mentioning the Windies, farewell to Off Island, St Lucia's greatest rock band, in fact the best rock band in the Caribbean, Neil has left to return to the UK, and the other members have decided not to carry on. Great pity, their farewell gig at the Firegrill was probably their best ever, and the most spectacular. Good luck to all of the boys. Keep on rockin'!!!

However returning to linen versus plastic, the only time I've made an exception to the above was the occasion when we played Twister in Bangkok. I saw this 1970's game, still in its box at Patpong market. Upon checking, both the mat and the spin-board were included, so I paid about 40bt, then visited the supermarket where I purchased four litres of cooking oil, two litres of orange juice and a large box of muesli.

Upon returning to the hotel, I was able to rearrange the bedroom furniture to leave ample space for the mat.

(For those of you unfamiliar with this game, it was popular with kids in the early 70s and consisted of a large plastic mat approx 2m sq, with 20 coloured spots, arranged in four rows of five. There is a circular board, divided into quarters, one representing each limb, and each quarter is divided into four colours. Two, three or four players can participate. a gamesmaster spins the board for the first player and they must place their hand or foot on that coloured spot, and keep it there. Each player has a spin in turns, until all hands and feet are on coloured spots. At this stage, they are probably contorted above and below each others limbs. The game continues until someone falls over. Good fun for kids wearing clothes; much better for adults wearing none).

Shortly afterwards I made a quick visit to Soi 9, and found some ladies eager to participate. (for 1000bt each)

Returning to the hotel, I undressed the girls quickly, washed them down, towelled them dry then explained the game to them. Although they spoke little English, they grasped the principles right away and once they had the hang of it, I rubbed them down with oil, then we got down to some serious twisting. As the games progressed their girlish laughter reached amplified proportions and I had to make them eat Muesli to make them shut up and thence avoid complaints from the neighbours. At game fourteen, I introduced the orange juice, rubbing it liberally onto their breasts. (If you try this, the juice gets stickier after a few moments in the air, and you can literally stick them together then pull them apart, sometimes with a reassuring pop).

After an hour, the girls were exhausted, the mat was coated in oil and orange juice, and fragments of muesli, so I joined the on the mat for some sensational Boom Boom). Afterwards, they took the mat into the shower and it washed clean in seconds. Mess on the carpet, well there was some, but not as bad as usual and, for once, I could look a housekeeper in the eye.

The girls were so impressed that I gave them the game, boxed up, to keep, and I have no doubt that they use it to entertain their other friends from time to time.

If ever you visit the Big Mango, and anyone proposes a Twister night, remember who thought of its first.

So thats a brief catch up, coming shortly, a cement mixer filled with porridge, using fire-eater techniques to warm your genitals, and a visit to "A Touch of Class" in Australia. Also, some old yarns from the UK, a dogging session in Majorca, Bruges in the snow, and a fun time in a boat near Tangiers!

Keep looking!

HOTJAM